On the day of Chloe's birth when the doctor was examining the placenta he found physical proof of my other baby that has brought me great comfort - it was a large white spot that covered a large area. It kind of looked like dead skin compared to the rest of the placenta. When my baby died I didn't experience any symptoms that normally occur with the loss of a baby (except maybe a reduction in extreme emotions, and maybe a lessening in nausea) and the doctor said the baby was reabsorbed by my body. It was comforting to me that my body had a mark that showed my baby had lived. It also told me that my baby was most likely an identical twin to Chloe, carried in the same sack. Knowing this also makes it all the more amazing that I didn't have any complications from the death of one twin.
I am so very blessed and thankful for the children God has given me - and I'm beyond thankful that this world is not my home! My home is being prepared for me and my life here is but temporary. My griefs and my burdens are just for a moment, and through all these trials God is "growing me up" as my Mom always told me. (the picture to the right is when Chloe was 1 month old - she was still so tiny!)
It's interesting to look back on the day I became a Mom while another one is being knit within me. I have never yet carried another baby the same way I carried Chloe - this one feels a lot more like when I carried Benjamin and Kara. I had a doctor's appt. yesterday for some blood work results and the ultrasound result and everything looks very good and normal. A lady I know at the clinic asked me how much longer and you know - I couldn't remember! I had to think about how far along I was! This pregnancy is just zooming by so quickly and between my three kiddos and trying to get our house more "show" ready I find I don't have much time to think about this pregnancy. It's when I lay down at night and the baby starts dancing that I reflect on this new life and wonder about him/her. And boy does he/she dance!
What a wonderful gift it is to be a Mom. When I started this journey 6 years ago I had no idea how much it would change me and my life. I had no idea how much God would mold me through mothering them. And I still don't - the ride has only begun!